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7 Ways to Make Sex Less Painful

At Penchant we truly believe that sex can be a healthy and pleasurable part of your life. But what happens when sex is more painful than enjoyable? There are lots of reasons sex might not feel as good as you want it to - from changes in hormones to a size difference between partners and even reactions to medications you’re taking - but the good news is there are ways to make sex less painful. Get the guide below and remember, practice makes perfect.

fist pump excited about sex

1. Get aroused.

While painful sex can certainly be caused by physical conditions (like dryness, tight muscles, and size differences), a lot of sex is about what's in your mind. The reason is that sexual arousal in the brain triggers physical reactions in the body that help prime it for sex, such as increased blood flow to the genitals and the production of lubrication in women. 

The first step to overcoming painful experiences is to let yourself get excited. Allow yourself to indulge in your fantasies by daydreaming, reading an erotic novel, or looking at porn. Make sure you're also giving yourself an environment that's conducive to a relaxed mind. It's a good idea to find a calm, stress-free place where you feel relaxed and unhurried.

2. Relax your body.

Hand in hand with relaxing your mind is relaxing your body. After all, when your body gets nervous, your muscles tense up, including those in the vagina. Not only can a relaxed body help make sex less painful, it can also make it easier to orgasm. 

To get relaxed, try breathing deeply and focusing only on your breath. You can also try walking through this quick whole-body relaxation technique: (Here's that mind-body connection again!) Find a comfortable position and mentally focus on your body, one area at a time. Starting at your feet, notice how they feel and try to let them relax. Move in a path throughout your body, from your feet to your legs, legs to thighs, etc., allowing yourself to notice any tension and release it. In your mental journey, make sure to include the pelvic floor. This is a great technique to practice before bed when it's already quiet and dark. The next time you want to relax, your body will know what to do. 

relax a little bit during sex

3. Include foreplay.

It typically takes men a lot less time than women to go from arousal to orgasm, which means if you move only at his pace, your body might not be as ready to go when he is. Here's where foreplay is such a winner - it's a great way to connect with your partner, extend your time together, and get comfortable with each other's touch. If you haven't already, brush up on some of our most popular articles: How to Give Her Great Oral Sex and 9 Mind-Blowing BJ Techniques You Need to Try Tonight. Don't forget that the body has a lot of erogenous zones outside the obvious. Explore areas like the neck, breasts, and thighs with your partner.

4. Go slow. 

Cars may be able to go zero to sixty, humans not so much. Go slow to let the body adjust to each sensation. To find what feels best for you, try varying angles and depth of penetration. Again, remind yourself to breathe as this can help the body relax and get accustomed to different feelings. 

cat fits in box

5. Use lube.

Lube is a miracle-worker in the bedroom because it makes everything go much more smoothly. It can supplement a woman's natural lubrication, erase discomfort caused by dryness, and bring more pleasure to your experiences. It's also a huge plus when you're dealing with a well-endowed partner. Pick up your favorite water-based lube or silicone lube and don't be shy about using it.

6. Communicate.

The best way to help make your experience less painful is to give your partner feedback as you go. After all, this is your partner in the true sense of the word - you're working toward the same goal of pleasure and you need to talk about what's working or not working for you. When you can trust that your partner has your best interests in mind, it also helps takes away possible tension. Be open about what feels good and allow him or her to adjust. This is not a time to resort to nonverbal cues, though those can be helpful. You'll want to actually verbalize how you feel. Try saying things like, "I like it when you do X," or, "It feels best when you try Y."

communicate during sex

7. Practice.

Even if you follow all the steps above, you may not be gliding into pain-free sex on your first try (see what we did there?). Don't give up! Be persistent and keep working with your partner. Find the good in each experience and build on that knowledge in your next session. Remember, the goal of sex doesn't have to be orgasm. An intimate experience can be just as rewarding whether or not everyone comes, so relax and enjoy yourself.

August 22, 2016 by Tanya Gallagher

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