Variety is part of the fun of life, and adding sex toys or new moves in the bedroom can help spice things up for both you and your partner.  Talking about sex can sometimes be a sensitive subject, and when discussing new things, you’ll want to make sure you approach things from a positive place.  Follow the steps below to introduce something new in the bedroom, and you’ll both reap the rewards.

Communication is the key to switching up your sex life, and the good news is that you can work your way up to a level that’s comfortable to you.  First, during sex sessions, be open and vocal about what you like.  It’s great to give nonverbal cues, but nothing is as direct as saying, “I love it when you do ___.”  Once you’re both on the same page and communication is good between you, introducing new ideas won’t seem as scary.

When you’re inspired and you know what you’d like to try, pick a good time to talk.  You’ll want to choose a moment when you’re not rushed or stressed, as you don’t want to be interrupted in the middle of an honest, intimate discussion.  

When you raise the conversation, tread gently to avoid hurt feelings and bruised egos. Make sure it’s clear that it’s about adding something different and being adventurous, not about someone being inadequate.  

Focusing on the positive can help make your partner more receptive.  Try saying, “I love when you do ___ and I’d like to try ___ with you next time.”  You can also start with small changes in bed such as trying a new position to open the door to introducing toys.  For example, if you want to try anal, start by using a well-lubricated finger before you jump into butt plugs.

If you want to add toys to the bedroom, shopping together can be a great way to pick something that’s exciting for both of you.  Looking at an online catalog can be a great way to start the conversation about what turns you on and what you’d like to try.   

Keep in mind that you don’t have to pick just one toy.  You can make it about each other’s pleasure: you can either both pick a toy that you’d like to have your partner use on you, or you can pick a toy that you want to use on the other person.  

Lastly, go slow when trying something new.  Follow each other’s nonverbal cues, as well as verbal ones, to make sure you’re both enjoying yourselves.  When you’re inspired and excited, it can make the experience fun for both of you.